• 03/12/2022
• By wizewebsite
• 338 Views

How the guy sees it: After 30 years, no interest. Should I get a divorce?<

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Reader Zuzana (50) sent us her question at jaktovidichlap@firma.seznam.cz:

"Hello, Mr. Hausmann, my problem has been going on for a year and a half, so I'm asking for your advice. I am 50 years old and have been married for 30 years. My husband and I have two adult daughters.

He always took care of his family, he went to work and he goes, he likes his daughters, there were holidays with the children, but recently it all went wrong. 5 years ago I started getting letters in the mail about my husband's infidelity. Even before that, sometimes there was a 'friend' who called me from an unknown number. When I finally told my husband about Anonymous, he always replied that he didn't have anyone and that it was a lie.

Last year, after constant arguments and partly also because of covid (my husband is sick, he is very afraid of this disease and I work in a pharmacy) I moved to a cottage about 13 km from the house to be safe .

Since then my husband does not talk to me at all. Even before, we didn't have much fun at home, apart from saying hello. I spent the evenings in the kitchen, my husband in the living room. When asked why he doesn't talk to me, I get the answer of silence, even now.

He used to like going to the cottage, but now, when I am there, he is at home. When I come home (to see my daughter, who still lives with us), he goes to the cottage to sleep. Some time ago, I saw him by complete accident with a strange lady on a walk (she doesn't go for walks with me), she was hooked on him. But they say she's just a friend and they have something to say.

No one from his family or friends understands him, he doesn't have a good time with anyone. He used to get along very well with my parents (his parents were not very interested in my husband or our children), now he avoids them, refuses invitations to birthday parties.

We have some joint property and I know my husband clings to it, but I don't want to stay in this relationship because of the property. He doesn't want a divorce, but he doesn't want to solve anything either. He's always been able to deal with everything sensibly, but now he's doing nothing! What would you advise me? Thank you very much for your time and opinion, Zuzana."

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How a man sees it: He has a lover or Why does the husband not want to go on a family vacation?

Dear Ms. Zuzana,

facts about a "friend" who called from an unknown number, and about mysterious anonymous people in the mail, do not sound very credible. Firstly, it will be difficult to include someone whose identity would be difficult to find out after such a long time in the circle of friends, and secondly - what would be the motive for this? Harm you? Harm your husband? Perhaps only if he wanted to strengthen his position as your potential lover, but you would surely know about such a thing. Some women could still be behind the subversive schemes, but you would recognize a woman's voice on the phone and conspiracy theories of higher orders are probably exaggerated.

If the lady who was hooked on him was his secret lover, then he wouldn't have publicly flirted with her on the street, and instead of evenings spent alone in the living room, he would have , party meeting...) was disappearing behind her.

The whole thing gives me the impression that the husband is simply burnt out. This is what happens to people without hobbies, interests (and lovers). There are a lot of unknowns in your makeup. If it was a serious trial, it would be necessary to hear the husband as well. For our purposes, let's settle for the assumption that it is as you say. But then you have a dead person next to you who (by the definition of a corpse) can't even get a lover.

Infidelity in numbers. If he cheats on you once, will he do it again?

Subtle signs of infidelity: what to watch out for?

Basically, you give two reasons for the breakup: Possible infidelity and the extinction of the husband. I would not advise you to leave the relationship because of infidelity that has not been properly proven. But life next to a burnout is worse than loneliness - you live alone anyway, and you're still blocked from "hopeful prospects". From such a relationship it is already worth stepping out for freedom. Try to get your husband to have a serious conversation, and if he cowardly does not approach it, you do not have to regret his loss. This kind of situation could drag on for many more years, and then you don't have the strength to go on the dating market again.