• 08/01/2023
  • By wizewebsite
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How does a guy see it: What should I do?Jealousy destroys our relationship<

Question from reader Aneta:

Good day. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and I'm getting more and more jealous. To everyone who passes by, who writes to him. Even if he just says some girl's name, I'm jealous. I really don't know what to do anymore. I trust my boyfriend that he wouldn't cheat on me, and yet I'm jealous. Please advise what I should do, or how to avoid jealousy and what to do when it comes. I'm already desperate.

Thank you

Aneta

Tomas Erben answers:

Source: Tomáš Erben

Dear Anet,

I feel for you because being burdened with jealousy is not exactly a win. I also once experienced this burden and I must say that I myself felt it as something that actually destroys the purity of love in me.

So I know that no one would choose something like that voluntarily. And that it returns in compulsive thoughts and feelings that are difficult to control. But the good news is that they will. I also think you'll be happy to hear that you're already halfway there. If you realize that it's not okay and it's not some promiscuous flaw of your counterpart, that it's YOUR business. It is probably pointless to tell you how irrational jealousy is when it is unfounded, that it can only harm the relationship, and that you are torturing both your partner and, above all, yourself. Or that you will just achieve that everything starts to be hidden from you.... You probably think about that every time your emotions subside a little. Take comfort in the fact that if your boyfriend has cared for you until now, most likely, when you dispel the cloud of jealousy, it will be reflected in the quality of your relationship, and thus the strengthening of mutual affection.

Have you wondered what is the source of your jealousy? What exactly do you feel, how would you describe it? What other emotion would you say is connected to it – boundless love, need to possess, fear, anger….? What part of the body does the feeling come from?

How a guy sees it: What should I do ? Jealousy is destroying our relationship

When such a situation arises, try to realize that not only are you jealous, but "I'm jealous because..." Just by engaging your mind, you will be able to more or less get rid of that compulsion, from unyielding learned patterns. You can afford to stop being their slave, either gradually or day by day. Experiment with it. Every such situation can be a valuable lesson for you. A challenge that you will either succumb to or triumph over.

Have you already had any such victories? Maybe even from a previous relationship? Or even outside the relationship? Think of a success you had where you had to overcome yourself to achieve it. Can you find a parallel to draw from? Maybe even just a little thing.

There are many ways to target jealousy. I don't know how spiritually grounded you are, but you can work well with such a topic, for example, in meditations, various constellations, even hypnosis could liberate you (be careful, in any work with the subconscious, you need to choose an expert). In an altered state of mind, you can accept your jealousy, ask her what she's giving you, and then give her freedom…

Even tantrics have their method, I see it as "shock treatment". I haven't tried it myself, but something tells me it can't fail to work. Rather, to lighten the subject, it is difficult for a normal mortal to reach for it: you would be present at the love connection of your partner with another woman. Well, present, you should properly guide your partner's "lingam" into the "yoni" of his lover. I don't want to sound vulgar, so I use tantric terminology. If it wasn't obvious when they googled a bit. Pretty thick, isn't it? 😊

In general, the path to success, whether you work on your jealousy with a therapist or emotionally alone, is precisely that awareness. In the moment of flare-up, be present, not let those thoughts control you. Now you just carry this inside you, like the key to the gate outside.

By writing to yourself that you might start taking some steps, you are paying attention to what is happening inside you. And maybe, thanks to you, other readers too. And with that, you start to control the situation yourself. Maybe you will blindly lose this control a few more times and fall into jealousy, but in the long term there is no room in you for such absorption and awareness at the same time.

Help yourself in your head by talking to yourself - the devil who sits on your shoulder and whispers: "What's the point of talking to a girl?" and on the other hand your strong and healthy inside: "And why couldn't he? All his life he will be surrounded by women, because they simply run around the world…”

Would you be able to tell him, not from the position of your ego ("you scumbag, another woman"), but rather through your hurt (because yes, jealousy hurts), "Honey, now I'm over it again"? How would he react? Could this gradually transform something inside you? Try, as part of an experiment, what will work for you. Just touch it.

Can you think of what in your history this might be related to? Is there any way to work with it? What makes you different from your peers who enjoy their relationship in harmony? What could inspire you?

I'll conclude by saying that you don't have to be desperate. Trust me, being aware and willing is the foundation of your shift. If you stick with it long enough, and you look for ways and answers within yourself, combined with those light challenges in every situation, relief will soon come.

Partnership, intimacy, relationship with yourself... Are you a little lost? Don't be indifferent, it's your life after all! The first step up can be for you to just write to me... www.tomaserben.cz.

Or you can contact Tomáš through us, write your question to redakce@femina.cz and we will forward it to him. And also try to advise Aneta, how would you behave in her place? Write to us in the discussion...