Dana: I have a partner but I love another, I'm afraid I have deprived myself of happiness<

My partner Štěpán and I have been together for ten years and we have a seven-year-old son. About five years ago, our relationship was going through a crisis, and at that time I was also looking for someone else to comfort me. His name was Michal. We got along great and I felt like I had finally found my soul mate. But I didn't want to deprive my son of his father and decided to give Štěpán another chance. Since then, I can't stop thinking about Michal. I am afraid that I have lost the love of my life because of my cowardice.

Old love doesn't rust

I have to finally get over it. I have had a partner Štěpán for ten years, and seven years ago we had a son, Péťa. Our relationship was beautiful at first, but over time it started to change. The swearing partner never went far and often humiliated me. Sometimes he even dropped our son. We broke up several times, but always got back together. I didn't want to deprive Péta of her father, so I gritted my teeth and tried to endure everything. About five years ago, Štěpán had to go on a business trip for two months. I was happy. I thought that two months was a long time, during which we can both think about what we actually want from our relationship. And at the same time, I hoped that during those two months, Štěpán would realize what he had at home and start to behave accordingly. But something happened that I didn't expect at all.

Just when Štěpán was gone, Michal appeared. He is ten years older than me, I was in love with him as a teenager, but because of the age difference, I never tried anything. He is from the same city and we ran into each other outside by chance. We started talking and he knew within moments that something was wrong at our house. We started writing to each other, went for walks together, and I finally felt that someone noticed me and that someone really cared about me. I experienced with him what Štěpán never gave me. Once he even came to me completely tired after work in front of the house, just to see me and give me a hug. Old love came to life again and I felt something I had never experienced before. We stayed overnight twice and I felt like that crazy teenager again. At the same time, Michal reciprocated my feelings. I knew I loved him.

I don't know if I made the right decision

But then Štěpán returned from a business trip. I wanted to tell him, but I was afraid. And Michal knew it. He didn't want to be the one to split us up and was afraid that he might end up blaming himself for it. However, we agreed that I will try to patch up my relationship with Štěpán, but Michal and I will stay in touch and meet from time to time. Štěpán's behavior towards me and the little one improved significantly after his return, but she just couldn't forget Michal. Of course, he also found a girlfriend in time and didn't have time for secret correspondence with me.

I try to suppress my feelings, I have found many hobbies and I work a lot so that there is as little space left in my head as possible to think about Michal. But recently I couldn't stand it again and wrote him how much I miss him and how I feel about him. He just wrote back that he understands me, but that we have to respect each other, that we both have different lives. And that it will be better if we just stay friends. It made me extremely sad, but on the other hand, I knew there was nothing else left for me. But his behavior when he is not with his partner is all the more surprising to me. It has already happened several times that his girlfriend went to her parents' for the night or was with her friends and he wrote to me and wanted to meet. I know he still loves me too. But it is such a forbidden love. We would like to be together but we can't. To this day, I blame myself for not having the courage to end my relationship with Štěpán five years ago. Now maybe I could be completely happy and I could have a partner by my side to carry me in his arms.

The text was processed based on the story of a reader who forwarded it to the editors. The photos are for illustrative purposes only and the names of the persons have been changed at the request of the reader.