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07/01/2023
- By wizewebsite
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Jirka's story: The wife is as if torn from the chain after parental leave<
I was always impressed by women who went after their own way, besides a pretty face they also had charisma, were independent, purposeful, smart... I wanted to have such a woman by my side. And I found such a woman. Today I know that I did the biggest stupid thing of my life. If I had married a so-called domestic girl with a sense of family, I would certainly be much happier and more satisfied.
Mom obeyed dad in everything
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I am an only child and I lived in a family where my father was the greatest authority. She's still alive, unfortunately mom is no longer. Every day I could see my mother fulfilling all his wishes, how things were cleaned and cooked at home. He was the master of creation, she was his servant, at least that's how I felt growing up. Mom was very nice, kind, but she lived in his shadow. She only had me, no friends, she was either at work (she worked not far from our house in a store as a saleswoman) or at home. Dad couldn't bear her going anywhere, as he expressed many times, he demanded hot dinners every day, he wouldn't tolerate her if she wanted to visit a friend or for someone to come to our house. And she listened to him. In addition, he is quite a choleric person, so it was often very noisy at our place.
When I grew up, I went to school in Prague and didn't want to come back home. My mother died a year after I left, she had cancer, unfortunately it was discovered when it was too late. It took a lot out of me, to this day I blame my dad for his share of the blame for her early departure. We don't see each other much either. I promised myself then that the woman I would marry one day would have a completely different life with me, I would give her space, I would be proud of her achievements.
A woman with her own opinion
And I found such a woman, a classmate at university. Simona impressed me from the first moments. Very pretty and smart. In addition, she was constantly surrounded by friends, it was obvious that she was popular. We started talking in the canteen, I didn't expect anything, I invited her to the club for a screening of a movie. Then we talked about him for long hours and I found out that Simona is exactly the woman I want to have by my side. A woman with her own opinion, who has an overview, thinks it through and wants to prove something in life.
We dated for about a year and a half before we started talking about life together, about marriage. Simona told me then that she has nothing against marriage, although she definitely does not insist on it. She was actually more of my wish. And I was also the one who first started about the children. Not that I have to have them right away, but I definitely wouldn't resist them once. However, Simona said that we will not talk about children yet. They say we still have a lot of time.
Married life was fine. We had a good time, we went to work, we had a lot of friends around us, with whom we spent a lot of time. Of course, there were also two of us together. Nothing limited us, we didn't have to look back to anyone, in short, married life proved us. But I slowly began to desire a child, friends and colleagues gradually became fathers, and most of them could not praise it. But Simona didn't really want to do it. The reason was clear, she did not want to lose her life among people, as she confided to me, she was afraid that she would be alone with the child.
A child ten years after marriage
In the end she agreed, paradoxically, she was forced to do so by a situation at work where she did not like the new boss. And it worked, Simona got pregnant almost immediately. The pregnancy was problematic from the beginning, so she had to lie down and a few times even stay in the hospital for several days. However, the birth was without complications and a beautiful healthy boy was born to us, after ten years of marriage.
I tried to help the woman as much as possible, Simona's mother also got involved. But most of the worries were understandably on her. She took excellent care of the little one, but it was obvious that she was not completely happy, she missed contact with people. Simona is not one of those mothers who meet with others in children's corners and solve their joys and worries with their children. Nor are they among the mothers who pour their hearts out on the various mothering forums on the Internet. Even though she devoted a lot to the little one, the three years at home were said to be purgatory for her. That's why I was happy, and I didn't prevent her from going out with her friends every now and then. However, several times I had to take the next day off or call my mother-in-law because Simona was unable to take care of my son.
She wants to live her "old" life
She finally went back to work, we put our son in kindergarten, and most importantly, Simona's mom started helping us a lot more. She retired and had plenty of time. I thought everything would be fine from now on. But I was wrong, the woman is catching up on what she missed in those three years, how many times does she come home when the little one is already asleep. Either he has a lot of work or he goes out for a drink with his colleagues. Grandma or I pick up my son from kindergarten. On weekends, the wife rests, or they go to teambuilding events with colleagues. My mother-in-law cooks for us many times, so she has enough to worry about. I've told her many times that it can't be like this, and she tells me that she lost three years of her life, so now she has the right to live her "old" life.
I am already very fed up, this is not how I really imagined family life. I'm getting more and more angry with my wife and I've wondered many times if my son and I would be better off without her.Jirka
Expert's opinion: Anyone can give up a relationship at the first cloud
PhDr. Magdalena Dostálová, psychologist and psychotherapist at Counseling Center for Family, Marriage and Interpersonal Relations, Prague 12
Dear Jirko! Your Simona is actually the opposite of the environment in which you grew up. Maybe that's why you went into a relationship with her, she impressed you. When we can copy the life, family or educational style of our parents, it is always more energetically advantageous for us. If we try to take a different path, it costs us more energy, invention and generally strength. I might be wrong, but it sounds to me like you're swimming somewhere in the middle between what you know from childhood and your dream relationship with a confident woman.
You are sorry that, from your point of view, Simona does not spend enough time with her son. I didn't read if you have any activities together as a family. And what about couple activities between the two of you, do you ever indulge in free time just the two of you? What do you have for yourself?
Frustration with Simona's way of spending her free time may very well stem from insufficient saturation of other spheres - couple, family, your individual. Sometimes it is difficult to find your way around the whole process. We will pick the first culprit that comes our way. If you would like to find your way around your relationship with Simona and possibly figure out how to feel better about it, get professional help from a psychologist, marriage and family counselor, for example. Everyone can give up on a relationship at the first clouds. It takes a mature personality to work on its improvement. And the result of such work can bear fruit.PhDr. Magdalena Dostalová
What do you think I should do?
total votes: 5602Voting is over
Readers voted until 0:00 Monday, March 2, 2020. The poll is closed.
3. Should I tell my wife that I am seriously considering divorce and custody of my son if she continues to behave as she has been?2496
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