Marriage is not a competition and divorce loss, you can survive with a clean head<

When I got married, I warned my upcoming in advance that I don't know what would happen to get divorced with him.That the relationship would not work out would consider a huge failure.The husband who was already married once, and therefore went through the break -up of the union, argued: ”It is not the end of the world, and even if something like that happens, we will agree on children.”He did not understand that it would be a loss for me and that I would deal with my own ego rather than property settlement.

Whether we want or not, divorce is in many ways a landmark.It is the end of one stage and at the same time a jump into the unknown in the form of a newly acquired freedom.Initially, I explained the attitude of my beloved by different thinking of women and men, but then I remembered the former friend of the former, who left the feeling of marriage for the break -up of the marriage and nourishes not only children but also contributes to her.Is it really appropriate to feel bad about the divorce and "buy"?Or is it exactly the opposite?

”Either the couple is going well and managed to overcome obstacles or not and its journey will be divided.Here the winner is the one who can be solved by the situation so that after the breakup there is no burnt relationship full of communication noise, dear emotions or abandoned children.If the divorce grips as part of life and partners find a common way to communicate and work separately, it is actually a win for all involved.Parents have the opportunity to start again and try happiness elsewhere, but they remain for children and are the same heroes as they lived together, ”says mediator Diana Lokájíčková.

"I don't know a person who has a divorce of life as a life plan.From this point of view it is always a loss.However, we will agree that no one has the right to condemn anyone for divorcing, ”adds Marie Oujezdská, director of the National Center for the Family Center for the Family Center.Therefore, do not let anyone and anything influence on the final decision.It's just your life.

How was it with the wiring in the past

According to Eurostat (the Statistical Office of the European Union), the Czech Republic is the seventh among the EU countries in the divorce ranking.It is undoubtedly sad statistics, but we can also perceive it as a positive indicator that we are much more confident and determined than thirty forty years ago.The wiring at that time was fewer, that is a fact.But let's not be naive that there would be romantic reasons behind it.People were just more afraid - mothers not feeding their children, fathers again that they will have zero contact with their offspring.And we don't have to mention the peripetia that the distribution itself accompanied.

Today is much more realistic that a mother-sampler can work most of the week from home or walk from work before.Dads are, in turn.

The natural reason for the number of wiring is increasing the increasing number of weddings.Veselka again became a fashion trend and are still taking younger years.A few years ago, the wedding was postponed to a later age, when the partners tried to live together (which we can consider to be a marriage of the Czech Republic) and sometimes they managed to beget the offspring.Now the card has turned around.

Young spouses recruit from the so -called generation Z, which are persons born since the mid -1990s to the twentieth century to 2012.They are characterized not only by high self -confidence, but mainly by pulling the goal.When they desire something, they go to it.Whether in work or personal life.They don't care about the parents' advice.Want a wedding, a dress, a big party - which unfortunately often ends in divorce.This is when these "wedding enthusiasts" grow up and get a life outlook.

It is not surprising that the most common causes of the split of marriage are infidelity, which is worth forty percent of divorces in our country."There are reasons whose common denominator is insufficient communication skills," says the director of the National Center for the family Marie Oujezdská.However, no reaction comes without action, so when there is an infidelity in marriage once, it usually plays the role of long -term dissatisfaction in the relationship.

This was the case of my friend Karla: ”My husband with whom I raised a three -year -old son began to cheat with my colleague.But the worst thing happened - he fell in love and left, ”he recounts."It seemed to me that the world collapsed.I was supposed to be fooled, and even though it didn't last on the divorce, I built my head and at least wanted to decide myself.”

Their marriage was divorced very quickly.But Karla tried to get her ex back every time the son was handed over.Her attempts, however, failed.It's happy today.

”I guess I should have noticed different views between us before.I can finally go with my friends for wine without me confessing where I go again.I don't have to explain to anyone why I have a bad mood.And I have two weekends in the month free.I spend now with a new partner and I'm really happy.As I have never been with Marcel.”

Mediation will help correct communication

When you reconcile with the end of the union, it is the turn to communicate the decision to the partner and children.Which is the most complex.”The person often collects the strength of the month.Generally I would recommend the whole thing to communicate with peace and reserve time for it.It is also important to give the partner space to express. Základem je použít otevřenou otázku, tedy takovou, na kterou nelze odpovědět pouze ano/ne,” radí mediátorka Lokajíčková a dodává: „Z praxe mohu říct, že často vidím, jak mediace pomůže partnerům napravit komunikaci.Mostly the relationship is already in such a breakdown that the divorce will take place, but at least a sophisticated.”

Children suffer much more in a dysfunctional family than after the divorce - if considered.This is also confirmed by Marie Oujezd: ”It is not only important for children how the parent - the network works, but whether it perceives a mutual, functioning relationship between mother and father.A certain relief is if parents are aware that there is no divorce in parenting.”

This is what the announcement that mom and dad will no longer be able to live together.Speak clearly, factually and above all do not throw dirt in front of children.You may be relieved to you but the child not.Both love you the same.

“I can recommend professional support, such as our free program of breakup, the family does not end, which will help pass both to parents and children and to which you can now register.Useful tips can also be found on the website of remains.cz,” radí Eliška Kodyšová, ředitelka webového průvodce rodičovstvím Aperio.

It wouldn't be natural if you just waved at a failed marriage.It is perfectly normal many weeping nights, blaming and possibly a radical change of visage. Toto období by však nemělo trvat příliš dlouho, a pokud ano, není od věci vyhledat psychologa, který vám pomůže na cestě „k normálu”.Although normal as in the time of marriage, of course it will not be.However, it may be a restart of life and your personality - learn from previous mistakes, pursue yourself.

If you have children and will be at a father every two weeks, do not sad, surely takes care of them as great as you will.And especially!Be aware that love is never too late - and right now is the best time to start looking for it again.Although it may not end with a wedding this time.