Staying in a relationship because of children is not a good strategy, experts agree<

Most of us enter into a partnership with hope. We hope that it is our relationship that will last for the rest of our lives and that our counterpart is really the right one. Although after a certain time the first more or less fundamental cracks and doubts appear, we consider them natural.

We are reassured that no couple is perfect and the coexistence of two people is simply not without arguments. In addition, nice moments still prevail, which often overshadow even a possible red warning light of intuition.

Ice shower

There are many culprits behind the breakup of the relationship. From the mutual cooling of feelings and alienation, through the differences in the perception of the future, to love affairs outside the home. But it is no longer possible to leave "just like that". Not only you and your partner, but also your child or children are under one roof.

And just at this moment, when the relationship breaks down and you realize that ending the suffering is the only option, you are balancing on the edge of your own self-esteem. The reason is the offspring. Because of the smallest, parents often try the impossible in advance. They want to glue up a broken relationship so that they do not destroy the children 's family.

(Un) conscious harm

However, resuscitating a dying partnership just to keep the family does no good for you or the children. Where it squeaks, there are tensions, quarrels, conflicts, negative energies, and believe it or not, even the youngest children will feel it. They process all these perceptions, and all the bad things they catch in a broken relationship will fundamentally complicate their future and their own relationships.

"Infants already perceive the emotional manifestations of other people, especially mothers. Therefore, if negative emotions appear on the part of the parents, the child is able to notice that something undesirable is happening and activating his defensive reactions. The emotional expression of the parents therefore influences the child's own attunement, ”explains child psychologist Zdenka Ráčková.

Risk doesn't have to be profit

It is therefore necessary to consider your decision carefully. Are you really sure that you can work in a fake partnership with your counterpart without quarreling and without harming your children? Can you be a happy mother if you just pretend to be a happy family?

"The fact that two people are not happy and satisfied together and stay together only because of the children (often for many years) has a really big impact on everyone involved. Over time, even somatic problems can occur in children and parents, "explains relationship coach, counselor and therapist Lucie Zápotocká.

"It simply came to our notice then. Or infidelity will come. And on the contrary, these actions have an even more negative effect on the already disturbed family. Really think if this is the way to satisfy you and your children, ”warns the expert.

How to "break up"

If you decide that you no longer want or can no longer play theater and live in a worthless relationship, think about your role as parents, despite all the pain and differences. Try to break in peace and quiet, honor and respect each other. And that's because of the children. Parents must be their support at all times and in all circumstances, do not forget the example you give to your children.

Together with your partner, prepare the children for the new stage of life so that they hurt them as little as possible. Be aware that family breakdown will always be a major psychosocial burden for a child, leading to a loss of security and safety.

"I would focus on the process of coping with family breakdown. It is out of the question to seek professional help in the form of a pediatric therapist, with whom the child can process the parents' separation in a safe and receptive environment, for example through a game that has therapeutic effects, ”recommends Ráčková.

Ten right behaviors after a relationship crash