Four questions you should ask yourself before you divorce<

The fact that we are not rosy about marriage and its durability is chronically well known. Every second marriage fails, and the romantic notion that the couple will spend a long idyllic life together belongs to the Red Library.

According to the calculations of sociologist Marta Vohlídalová published five years ago in the magazine Gender, Equal Opportunities, the research clearly leads to infidelity for specific reasons of divorce, followed by a lack of interest in the family and alcoholism of one of the partners.

In childless marriages, men apply for divorce more often, otherwise women are more likely to initiate divorce. The author also states that nowadays, partnerships are increasingly focused on the search for emotional satisfaction, so they are more fragile and easier to cancel.

This is also confirmed by psychologist Marcela Vojířová: “Although marriage is still important and an important commitment in the twenty-first century, it is also much more fragile and vulnerable. In my opinion, our situation is best illustrated by the claim that we are used to throwing away damaged things rather than repairing them - and we do the same in the case of marriage. Of course, because it is much more complicated and difficult to try to find a compromise and a solution to the problem, many couples prefer to choose a divorce. "

You may also be in a situation where you are no longer satisfied with your relationship, but at the same time you are not yet sure whether divorce is the right and only solution. "Just because you start talking about or thinking about a divorce doesn't necessarily mean you're really ready for it, or you can't handle your situation differently," says the psychologist.

Try to honestly answer the following questions to help you clarify the situation and orient yourself in your feelings. You may find that your relationship is still hopeful and you can postpone your appointment with a divorce lawyer (or cancel it altogether):

1. How do I feel about my partner?

This is probably the most important question you should answer in the first place. "The relationship is constantly evolving and it goes without saying that after twenty years of marriage, the partners will not feel the same love affair as at the beginning of the relationship. However, this does not mean that their feelings are of lower quality. The relationship only moved to another phase characterized by, for example, respect, tolerance, trust and the like. And if these qualities are still present in him, despite the current disagreements, it is worth fighting for him, "says psychologist Vojířová.

Although, of course, difficult, try to look away from the problems you are currently dealing with and look at your relationship as a whole. Did all the positive feelings really disappear from it, or are you more in tow of current events (such as infidelity)? Experts also recommend that you imagine your relationship over a longer period of time, such as a year when the current problems will no longer be so burning. Can you imagine that your relationship would continue to work, or do you completely reject this possibility?

2. Do I decide emotionally or intellectually?

According to sociologist Marta Vohlídalová, the breakdown of relationships between younger people, childless couples and unmarried cohabitation “is clearly more inclined to reasons that are closely related to the quality of the relationship and the emotional satisfaction from the relationship. By contrast, longer partnerships, marriages or partnerships with children are much more likely to fall apart for reasons of a highly conflicting nature, such as infidelity, alcoholism or violence. "

Try to think about whether you are making an emotional decision in a divorce or if it is a matter of reason. Impulsive decisions made in anger or under the influence of other negative emotions are always problematic.

"Women in particular often complain that their partner does not pay enough attention to them and feels cold on his part. They start treating him the same way, creating a vicious circle of petty conflicts, misunderstandings, and deliberations that are hard to break. In a deeper conversation, however, it turns out that one particular reason for the breakup does not actually exist. The reason is alienation and cooling, which, however, lasted for a very long time without the partners dealing with it, "warns psychologist Vojířová.

3. What do I expect from a divorce?

Divorce is not self-saving and the idea that it will solve all your problems and start again as a clean, unwritten letter is misguided, warns the psychologist. "In many cases, divorce is really the only option and way out. However, even then, it is necessary to realize that the problems that led to the divorce did not arise by themselves and it is necessary to reveal the cause. Otherwise, it is possible that they will be repeated in another variant in the next relationship. "

Do you feel the problem is in the types of partners you choose? Then it's time to find out what leads you to repeat the same defective pattern over and over again. Is infidelity the cause of your crisis? Think about whether a certain impulse came from you (for example, refusing to partner). The point is not to identify the culprit in the current situation, but rather to prevent the repetition of the same mistakes.

4. Do I really want it or am I just threatening?

It's not nice, so it's not easy to admit to yourself that you're not really looking for a divorce, but you're keeping your counterpart in check with threats of this type. Considering the divorce option should be the last option you choose in a relationship.

"Divorce threats, which are not really meant, are more of a women's specialty," the psychologist agrees. "Dissatisfied women sometimes vent their frustration, anger or despair, or try to gain control of their partner."

But if you use this method, you are playing with the proverbial fire. It can very easily happen that one day your dear half takes you at your word and starts to turn your threats into reality. And even if that doesn't happen, be aware that using a similar "caliber" will eventually dull your partner's sensitivity and he'll stop taking you seriously. Thus, really serious problems will disappear in an avalanche of threats related to banalities. You should only talk about divorce if you think of it as a real solution.