• 29/08/2022
• By wizewebsite
• 512 Views

You can be beautiful and sexy even with 130 kilos, says blogger Lucie Dolejší<

Would you last a day without make-up?If I was at home all day, fine. But I wouldn't go out among people without makeup. I wouldn't feel well.

At what age did your parents allow you to use makeup?They didn't want me to paint, so I started secretly at sixteen. In the morning before school, I hid on the ground floor of our block of flats, quickly painted myself, and in the afternoon I removed my make-up there again.

Did you go around painted or unpainted then?I think I was moderate. But things happened to me: I was in a rush and there were no blushes back then, lipstick was used instead, so I made two pink lines on my cheeks and forgot to rub them off. I went to school by bus, people looked at me and I was proud of how I looked.

When did you think that you could make a living doing make-up?When I was nineteen, I went to Germany, where a friend took pictures, I helped him with make-up and I fell in love with it. When I returned home after three years, it was exactly what I wanted to do next. At that time, however, a make-up artist was an unknown concept here. There were no courses, and when I set up my business, the lady at the office had no idea where to put me. In the end, I got three business licenses, each for something different, including running public toilets and similar services.

Did someone come to you who didn't need your help?Once. A boyfriend bought his girlfriend this service thinking she would be jumping for joy. And she was perfect. It was an unpleasant feeling for me because I had nothing to do with her.

I might be upset if my partner sends me for enhancement.You'd be surprised, but I get a lot of women who get it as a gift from their partner and they're thrilled. It's not like he comes to them and says, You look terrible, go get a makeover. Rather, they know that they are interested in make-up and fashion, so it seems like an apt gift.

Can Czechs take care of themselves?Unfortunately, no. When a woman comes to me and tells me that every night she removes her make-up with milk, uses tonic, eye cream, I fly on a cloud of enthusiasm. But I experience this feeling at least. Even women who appear from the outside to take care of themselves take care of this basic care and take care of their makeup with shower gel. It's convenience. At the same time, it is also a part of mental hygiene - taking time for yourself, taking a bath, a mask, relaxing. The answer that I don't have time for it is not an argument for me as a mother of three children.

You gained popularity thanks to your blog The World According to LU. What was the impulse to start it?Three years ago I gained a lot of weight, I was a ready-made size 48/50. But I wasn't one of those sullen chubby girls who sit in the corner and cry about how fat they are. I didn't have a problem with myself. I knew it wasn't the same, but the health problems didn't allow me to go back to my original weight, so I told myself that I wouldn't worry about it, I felt pretty and I was fine. But when girls who weighed 60 kilos came to my clinic and whined about how fat they were, it pissed me off. I started a blog, then it was still called World of Fashion XL according to Lu, to show that even strong women can look good. And since there are a lot of chubby women in the Czech Republic, the number of female readers began to increase.

Overweight women complain that you can't dress nicely in classic stores if you're not a size 36 or 38. Is that true?You can get dressed without any problems. I generally shop cheap, so I don't go to plus-size boutiques where you can get regular leggings for three grand. On the contrary, I look for clothes in ordinary stores and secondhand. And there you can find beautiful pieces in sizes 52 and 54.

What mistakes do stronger women make when dressing?They don't know how to mix and match, they hide in clothes two sizes bigger. She is shy and afraid. They don't know how to show their assets, emphasize the waist, they don't understand that even the one who weighs 130 kilos can look feminine if she wears something that fits her. And it's not leggings and a t-shirt pulled up to the knees.

You went from a size 50 to a 42. What made you lose weight when you were a happy chubby girl?I lost twenty-seven kilos in the last year. The time came when it was possible. I eliminated flour from my diet, which was not good for me, and the weight went down.

You left home at eighteen. Was it an escape?It was stuffy at home, so I went to live with my best friend's father, who was in a boarding school, and he lived alone at home. We agreed that I would take care of the household completely, thus I would pay off the rent. And when I graduated a year later, I went to Germany.

Why there?I got married there. In high school we had exchange stays, so when I was sixteen I met my future husband in Germany and we took turns commuting. A lot of people thought that I got married to run away for a better life, but I didn't want to go to Germany. But there was no other chance, the husband would not be able to find a job in the Czech Republic.

Did you get used to it?Not much, because there was a problem with the laws. Even though we were married, I waited two years for a work permit, and all that time I worked illegally wherever possible. I was a girl from the East that everyone looked down on, which was very humiliating.

Why did you come back home after three years?I left because of work. They didn't recognize the Czech high school diploma there, at most they offered you to wipe the toilets. In Prague, I signed up for a language school, got my passport and hoped that it would help me find a job. But when my husband and I were separated for a year, I realized that the relationship was pointless, that I would not return to Germany.

What was the problem?My husband was half Italian, plus we were both born under the sign of Scorpio, so we had a lot of Italian marriage. Our mentality was so different that we were not able to be together. I admire marriages where each partner is from a different country, because they have to be able to stand it.

How did you meet your current husband?Through the Internet. Most of my partners were from internet dating sites, including the father of my oldest son. I'm an extrovert, but I've always had a problem with dating. I would never approach a man myself, and when he approached me, it made me uncomfortable and I turned him down, although I later regretted it. In addition, I already had requirements for what my partner should be, so I saved myself a lot of coffees to find out. That's how I checked my requirements straight away. I have several acquaintances around me who met this way and have long-term relationships.

How was the first live date?We corresponded for a long time because I didn't want to jump into a relationship right away because of my son. And I thought, that's exactly it! But then he came on the first date and I thought it wouldn't work. Let's have a coffee and goodbye. Before, I needed to immediately sit on my ass from the men's. When there wasn't good chemistry at first, I wasn't interested. She wasn't here, it only broke during the evening, when I understood that he is what I need. We have been together for seven years and he is the best man I have ever met.

You got married and ten years after giving birth to your first son, you got pregnant again. Was it a longed-for baby?We wanted a baby, but we thought we'd give it a go. When I got pregnant, it came as a shock because I had just started my own studio and I felt that it was not right for me right now, that it would be better in a year. But I quickly sorted it out in my head and was happy that we were expecting a child.

Did the pregnancy go well?It didn't. I felt a lot of things that weren't normal, but I excused it by saying that I was older. I was terribly sick for eight months, I had constant fainting spells, I had a headache every day, but the doctors couldn't find anything. So I thought I would survive.

Did you go through all the tests to see if the child is healthy?The test for Down syndrome did not go well. I already experienced this with my first son, the results were not good then, but this time they were very bad.

So you had an amniocentesis, which many women refuse because of the risk of miscarriage?I wanted to refuse it too, but I panicked. It usually happens that if the doctors don't like the results, they order you to take an amniotic fluid sample in three weeks. They sent me for this examination immediately. I was so splashed that I walked like a sheep. But no one will ever tell me that the risk is minimal. Already with my first son, I had conditions as if I was having a miscarriage, I could feel my stomach churning. The results were fine now, but I would never go through with it again.

What happened the day you went to the maternity hospital prematurely?I was in the eighth month and I was sick, my stomach hurt a lot. I baked fresh bread in the morning, which I ate while still warm, so I thought it was from that. You tend to get past these things, you don't want to bother the hospital and be hysterical. But I had a strange premonition, so I started packing things for the maternity ward. My husband wondered if there was still time, but I knew something was up. I took it as if I would give birth earlier, nowadays with the medical care, such things are not a problem. We arrived at the maternity ward and in the examination room during the ultrasound, the doctor told us insensitively that Filipek's heart was not beating.

You had to give birth to a son. Isn't it more humane to have a C-section in these situations?Then I would give anything in the world for it. I couldn't imagine that I would go to the delivery room in that state, when I am at the bottom. But the doctors won't let you. They do it for health reasons - so that the woman can give birth naturally the next time, without further complications. I don't know if it's really the best for health, I was in labor for two days, I had vein thrombosis, so I could have died too. But in retrospect, I'm thankful I had a natural birth, even though it was crazy. Giving birth gave me closure on that story, it helped my psyche. We were able to bury our son and say goodbye to him. And I wouldn't trade that moment for anything in my life.

I suggest that staying in rooms between newborns and happy mothers is not good for the psyche.We were lucky that they gave us a superior room. The Czech health system does not distinguish between mothers - a woman who voluntarily has an abortion, and one who loses a beloved child. They all belong to the maternity ward. But even at the higher standard, you can hear crying babies, which is crazy for the psyche, nota bene takes you to various examinations, so you keep driving past them.

People are often afraid to talk to the bereaved about what they are going through. What is your experience?We lost almost all our friends. And then others appeared, from whom we least expected it. The worst thing for me was that I started a blog relatively soon, where I wanted to write about my experiences so that my loved ones could understand what I was experiencing, what was hurting me and what was helping me. They read it and did nothing. People not knowing how to behave is a normal reaction. I opened up, called out that I needed them, and they ignored it. Another slap in the face were the reactions when, three months after my son's death, some people told me that it was not normal, that I had not come to terms with it yet, that I should go to a psychiatric hospital for treatment.

For some, it may be incomprehensible that you openly write about such an intimate thing as the death of a child on the Internet.Because it is our custom not to talk about death publicly. But death is a part of life and must be talked about. I started the blog anonymously, there is only my first name, and I wanted to help other mothers with it, because there is almost no awareness here. Later, people found out that it was me, but I didn't mind - since I started working as a counselor in the association Dlouhá cesta, which helps parents who have survived their children, I wanted people to know what I had been through. My experience may help someone.

You buried your son in your garden. Whose idea was it?Mine. My husband had no problem with us putting the urn with the ashes in the garden, but it bothered him that I wanted to have a memorial plaque made. He imagined a huge tombstone. When he saw the proposal, he agreed. Filípek is part of our family and is still with us. We go with the children to water his flowers, we talk about him.

Did you want another child after this experience?I was determined that I would never do it again. But the desire for a child was stronger, so I got pregnant again, but unfortunately it turned out badly again. Although according to the doctors I was absolutely healthy, in the third month the baby's heart stopped beating.

Did you ask yourself at that moment, why you, if it is not an intervention of fate?We discussed why this is happening, that it is a sign. The husband spent the first year of his life in an infant institution, he never saw his father, he was adopted by his stepfather. So we don't know part of the family and we don't know if there is any genetic load. The husband looked for his dad across half the country to ask if everything was okay in his part of the family, when the tests for Filipek came out so dramatically. I thought that was crazy – the first conversation he has with his dad in his 37s is about his son's possible disability. I admire him for making it. His dad told him he didn't know of any medical complications, but you might still have your doubts. When we lost our second baby, I decided that I would not risk another pregnancy, I could not handle it.

Was that the moment when you started to deal with foster care?I always wanted to marry a child from an orphanage, but my previous partners didn't want to hear about it. After Filipek's death, I asked the man if he would be willing to do something like that, and he said yes. We wanted to have our own and gain more. We had an application and at that moment I found out that I was pregnant. I knew that they wouldn't give us a child in this situation, but before it started to be resolved, my pregnancy unfortunately ended.

How long did it take you to get a child?The whole process took a year, which is a short time, but it was because we were willing to accept almost any child, we had a wide age range, it was we don't care who the parents are, and most of all we wanted siblings, which requires a minimum of people.

Whose mother did you end up being?Boys and girls. One day, a psychologist from the regional office called us, invited us, showed us photos of the siblings, revealed only a minimum of information and asked if we were interested in getting to know them. When we saw the children in the photo, we knew we wanted them. But it doesn't work that way. We went to see them at the nursery, where we commuted for a whole month, later you can take them for an afternoon, for a day, and in four weeks you have to say yes or no.

You have children in foster care. Aren't you afraid of losing them?I am. But I think a parent is not the one who gives birth to children, but the one who loves and cares for them. Although the current law defends more rights of biological parents, I believe that it will always be for the good of the children.

How did your family get along with the new members?They were the two hardest years of my life. Only recently has it broken and I pray it stays that way. Many people imagine that it is difficult and complicated, but filled with happiness because you are helping. It was two years of hell. Really. The little boy's problem was that he hated his mother for giving them up. She broke his heart and he was aggressive, biting children. Because he connected his mother to me, when I became his new mom, that hatred went towards me.

And the little girl?She has various mental blocks, but compared to her brother, she is a better deal. Imagine that you get two strange children that you don't know at all, they are four and three years old and you don't know anything about them, or what they like, what they have been through. Everyone has the impression: It's hard for you, three children, but otherwise you're a bomb, don't you think? Everyone thinks those kids are grateful and happy to have a family. No. In their eyes, they had everything in the institution, they went on trips every other day, they received gifts, they had food, sweets, friends - materially there was an abundance of things, much more than ordinary children have. But they didn't know how to live in a family. They were like animals, they didn't know that the family had rules that had to be respected. For example, the little boy kicked our dogs because he didn't know it wasn't allowed, or he smashed half the room in anger. There was a lot of evil in him.

Wasn't there a moment where you thought you couldn't handle it and you're going to return them?I had a breakdown twice, but there was never a moment where we thought it was a mistake and sent them back. The neighborhood reacted differently - they advised us to return the children, that it would destroy us. My oldest son and I had big problems because of it. But I knew I could never bring the kids back and ruin their lives, and my husband felt the same way. They are already our children and we love them.

Would you take any more children from the institution?Probably not. Our life is full now.