23/05/2022
By wizewebsite
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Jarda's story: My ex-wife is ruining my new relationship<

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Stories are edited by the editors. They are based on your real problems, which you confide in Kávárnička or in a partner counseling center, or from letters you send to ona@idnes.cz, and they respect your anonymity.

I grew up in a well-functioning family in a loving environment and I still wanted to live one day. I met my wife in my thirties, she was two years younger than me. We had only known each other for a few months and she wanted to get married. It is said that all her friends are already married and she is the only one who is not.

I didn't rush the wedding, I didn't want to rush anything. Everyone around me was getting divorced and I definitely didn't want to experience that. My dream was a peaceful, comfortable marriage with a lovely wife and at least two children. Besides, we didn't even have a place to live. I wanted to build a house for my family and we didn't even have land yet.

I wanted to have a comfortable marriage

But she cheated on me and six months later the wedding took place. She left the house, we lived with her parents for a while, and when the woman got pregnant, her grandmother died and we moved into her apartment. We exchanged it with her parents after a few years.

My wife was a pretty cool girl when I married her, in the end I'm glad we didn't delay the wedding. I liked family life. The woman didn't even work, she had a high-risk pregnancy, then she took care of her son and three years later another child - a daughter. I was able to support them.

However, she gradually began to change, or rather to show her true nature. Maybe the fact that she was always at home, that she didn't have many opportunities to relax at work, to come up with other ideas had an effect on this. She only hung out with her mother, which is gossip to watch. They could pick on anyone, they spread gossip, and in the evening, when I came home from work, they included me. When I didn't want to listen, she got offended and didn't talk. She is very moody.

Infidelity and divorce

Jarda's Story: My Ex-Wife Is Ruining My New One relationship

I was hoping he would change when he went to work. But it was just the same, if not worse. The woman worked at the post office and there she had a constant supply of topics to discuss. She didn't even have a problem messing with people's lives, solving the lives of others became her passion and obsession. And unfortunately, she also put antlers on me a few times. But I only found out when our relationship ended. The reason for the breakup was her infidelity, she was even so blunt that she found a lover in our street in the house opposite ours and pretended to be our friend. Of course, "good souls" opened my eyes.

I had had enough of everything and cleared the field. I moved out of the joint household and filed for divorce. I found an apartment, got custody of my son, and my daughter lives with her ex-wife. But we see each other quite often, even my son visits his mother a lot. Fortunately, my relationship with my children did not suffer.

It's been two years since the divorce. I've already been in two relationships, the first one wasn't much. Fortunately, we both felt that this was not the case and parted ways on good terms. We remained friends and sometimes we call each other, we go for coffee.

Ex-wife spreads gossip

I have been in a new relationship for more than half a year. I fell in love and I firmly believe that it will finally work out for me. My girlfriend is happy too. We are good together. Children also like her. But the problem is with the ex-wife. He constantly attacks me and my partner (unfortunately, the previous one was the same way), he constantly slanders her, defames her, and spreads nasty lies. He is not ashamed to talk badly about her in front of the children. At the same time, neither the past nor the current girlfriend was the reason for the breakup of our marriage. We broke up because of my ex-wife's infidelity. She was the one who found a lover whom she preferred over me.

I don't know how to defend myself against her behavior. I've never been a conflicted type, I'm more of a calmer nature (people around me claim that I'm too much of a good person). Of course, people know me, many do not believe her gossip, but there are also those who look at me and my girlfriend strangely.

I don't understand why she does it, if I hurt her somehow, then maybe, but she hurt me. Instead of enjoying her new relationship, building it, she attacks me and my girlfriend.Jarda

Expert opinion: Ask her to change her behavior

PhDr. Magdalena Dostálová, psychologist and psychotherapist at Counseling Center for Family, Marriage and Interpersonal Relations, Prague 12.

Dear Jardo! You describe the infamous end of your marriage. Even though your ex-wife's infidelity played a role in his breakup, she is now the one who is speaking unkindly about your new partner. It's like she can't come to terms with the fact that you're entitled to another life after the breakup. You write that people around you consider you to be "too much of a good guy". Maybe there will be a dog buried in it.

You can't change your ex, but you can set your own boundaries. Try to arrange a meeting with your ex-wife to talk about the fact that you both now have new lives. Talk about your experience, what works for you and what doesn't.

Try to express your feelings about her new relationship. It will be an advantage if you feel at least neutral about your ex-wife's new relationship. Thank your ex-wife for even just a hint of her willingness to be restrained in her statements about your current partner. At the same time, keep in mind that the decision of how the ex-wife will approach your request is up to her. However, you at least try to ask her for a change.PhDr. Magdalena Dostalová